| Narrative kinks: communication failure? |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|05:12 pm] |
I've been thinking about narrative kinks lately, and the many different ones I have. A major one I came up with is a kink for silence. Not enforced silence (gags, or the like), but the kind of silence that arises because the characters fail to communicate. That may well be because somewhat distant, emotionally repressed characters are whom I tend to like best.* And while having these characters' emotional floodgates burst can be its own kind of emotional porn (if written well), the version of events I will actually believe in (as opposed to possibly-prefer-in-a-happy-fanatsy kind of way) is the one where communication fails to happen. Or happens, but fails to be conclusive, or satisfying. This doesn't have to be, but tends to be more pronounced, in pairing fic. Because you can have the characters have sex and still not be happy, or really "get" each other. And I, for some reason, absolutely love that.
And if communication does eventually happen, after what I can sometimes see as years of failed attempts (take, for example, Kirk and Spock at the end of ST:TMP), I find it is infinitely sweeter and has more of an emotional impact. But, see, I don't even need an eventual happy ending for this kink to work. Quite the opposite: in most cases, I prefer the silence to be terminal.
I also think there are numerous ways to play with this: while there's the possibility of having characters speak but not really understand each other on more than the surface level, there's also that of having them be silent, but still communicate to a certain degree via physical cues. I must say I find the misunderstandings resulting from both equally tempting.
* And boy, is that list long: Mr Spock (pre-V'ger), Raistlin Majere, Sherlock Holmes, Bruce Wayne... to name but my primary fandoms. Also, Tarik from my original stuff. |
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| Update |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|05:25 pm] |
( Cut for length and family wtf?-ery. )
In other news, NaNo novel is at 16,555 words! (Yes, that's including last years 8000+ words. So what? I was feeling in need of an ego boost.) *beams*
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| *sigh* |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|08:03 pm] |
Not written anything for NaNo yet... I was hoping to, especially since J called me yesterday morning to tell me our planned RPG meeting wasn't happening due to the Master's alcohol poisoning -- WTF? I was out to party as well, but carefully didn't drink much so I could play! *pouts* (The party was great, by the way, even though the DJ wasn't the best, constantly fumbling the fade-in and -outs of songs, and playing largely obscure and undanceable stuff, except if people requested something else -- which after a while everyone did, which in turn made a bitchy DJ who hacked off the songs halfway through to play ones he (but no one else, as evidenced by the empty dance floor) liked. Seriously, that's not how you do it! Also, except the zombie-masked club staff, no one was really dressed up for Halloween, leaving the single group in "blood"-spattered and ripped white T-shirts, and J and A in their "sexy witch" outfits standing out a bit.)
Anyway, writing: Somehow my writing mojo got channelled elsewhere and I wrote two (probably awful) anonymous comment ficlets for the DC Kink Meme (thanks for the inspiration, Vulgarweed, though I suspect you wanted people to do GO, not other fandoms, but anyway, thanks) instead. Yay, me? Whatever, any productivity is good productivity for me these days. ":-/
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On a different note: whoever invented the Spanish subjunctive needs to be shot. Seriously, I had no idea I could hate any linguistic feature that much! (Russian verb aspects are a close second, though.)
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Much as I rant about my roommates from time to time, they do have their advantages: in contrast to living with the parents, the atmosphere is usually relaxed. Right now, soothing seventies music (folk rock and reggae) is playing in the living room, it smells of home-cooked food, the dog is snoring on her sofa, and the light is cosy. Much better to come home to than screaming brats and a bitchy mom! ":-) |
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| *happy* |
[Oct. 28th, 2009|05:42 pm] |
Skipped uni from noon on today and did some garden work instead -- some twenty wheelbarrows full of dead leaves needed clearing away. (Yes, I know there's something wrong with you when nothing fills you with more giddy elation than neglecting your expensive tertiary education for menial physical labour. I've been that way all my life and just can't help it. As I said, if I could make a living mucking out stables and doing garden work, I would.) It's been one of those beautiful last sunny October days, with blue sky, green meadows, and trees all possible shades of flaming red and yellow, when staying inside seems a crime against Nature. I normally love the grey, misty autumn days more, for their sweetly melancholy mood, but today was simply perfect. A day to breathe and feel free and stick your middle finger to a world that wants to lock you up and smother you.
It wasn't at all cold (quite the opposite, seeing as I could work with sleeves rolled up), considering we already had first frost several weeks ago), but I had tea afterwards anyway. I love my new kettle to bits! (Even though it drips a bit after pouring. ":-/) I have a hard time getting used to drinking it without milk, but I've heard it's a good deal healthier that way.
After a conversation with a friend recently, I've paid more attention to my taste in music, and have to say he was right: I tend to like songs best that are simultaneously kick-ass and sad and can be interpreted either way according to my own mood of the moment. Hm.
Talking about music: "Papillon" by The Editors is the Perdido Street Station theme song, y/y? (Not normally my type of music -- too electro and lacks guitars -- but I like that song!) Everytime it's on the radio I get creeped out by association. "X-D
And talking about books (wow, my transitions are smoooooth today): I want to try again with Dragonslayer (last year's oft-renamed project that didn't get far past 8000 words, but counts as a success by my pathetic standards) for NaNo, but... well, the uni stuff I've been procrastinating is slowly getting past "urgent" into "certain profs will shoot me on sight" territory.
I'm also still debating with myself whether to sign up for Makesmewannadie's RareLitBigBang... I want to, even though/because it's right during my MA thesis writing time. What am I planning on? Procrastinating one with the other by turns? *facepalm* |
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| Rrrrrahgh! |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|06:28 pm] |
Why must my prose suck? There is all this stuff I want to write, right there in my head, a ready-made movie, and it's awesome! But whenever I try to put it into words, I fail miserably. Writing an outline? Fine, no problem, scene-by-scene, if you want. The pacing probably isn't perfect, but I get my point across and am fairly sure it's an interesting story, too. But as soon as I try actual prose? It's horrible! Clumsy and stilted in some places, overly colloquial in others. (And no, writing in German doesn't work any better. Rather the opposite, because written German is nearly always stilted.) I have no idea what to do about this. Fanfic, at least for book-based fandoms, is a little easier, because the canon author's style is usually distinctive enough to pastiche (and boy, am I ever prone to that even when I don't do it on purpose!), and in movies, you usually at least get a vague idea of the characters voices, but in original fic, it's horrible. I wish I knew what to do about it. |
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| Life is awesome! |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|11:46 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | life, writing | ] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Leaves' Eyes | ] |
Well, as long as I repress how very much I'm still procrastinating my uni stuff, anyway. (Not thinking about that, no sir!) Everything else is definitely awesome: I have tea and music, there'll be fish and potatoes for lunch, and am actually getting some writing done. (Well, if something can ever technically get done, at my (lack of) speed. *sigh*) Also, it's finally autumn, and absolutely beautiful. I can breathe! I'm also jogging again, and it's satisfying. Also, it's cool enough that I can wear my beloved half-boots, and have gotten myself a lovely pair of new high boots* as well as that teapot+stove I was talking about a while ago from ebay. Cheaply, because, yay, ebay! But well, since it's ebay, I'm only very carefully happy about these things until they actually arrive.
* Yes, I'm one of those people who wear boots over trousers, even though they probably shouldn't. But well, I never listen to the fashion police anyway, and boots over jeans is so very practical, especially when you're in the habit of spattering everything below the knees with mud almost daily. |
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| Really, brain? |
[Sep. 7th, 2009|11:53 am] |
I often dream bizarre stuff, and I often dream fannish stuff, and occasionally, both things mix, but usually it's vague, fragmented and I don't remember much. But last night I dreamed I was on vacation with Lord John(1), of all people, who collected me from home in a flashy convertible and one of those oversized US caravans, whereupon we headed for the beach and (after being locked in a supermarket all night(2)) spent all day ogling surfer boys together. (And let me tell you, that's an odd experience with someone dressed in an 18th century British officer's uniform.) I've realised that as far as platonic co-habiting goes, you couldn't do much better than Lord John. (In fact, the list of "characters I'd move in with" is scarily short -- though still longer than my list of real people. ":-/) I hope we see some more of him in the new book than we did recently. (I fear I may well be the only person with an emotional kink for John/Jamie/Claire scenes, and that makes me sad, because this way no one pesters Gabaldon into writing them.)
(1) I've been rereading Outlander in preparation for the new book coming out this month, and also gushed about the books to Hyel, so that may be it.
(2) I suspect that was because I forgot to shop before the weekend and therefore had neither bottled water, nor toilet paper, and -- worst of all -- no chocolate for all of yesterday, so sleep sent me shopping.)
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In other news, I've started reading China Miéville's Perdido Street Station (thanks to Vulgarweed, who recced it a while ago, and Dingsi, who provided a link for free downloading). Let me just say, HOLY FUCK, NIGHTMARE FUEL!!! The overall feel is what you'd expect from a steampunk fantasy novel: a mixture of Victorian London and dystopian sci-fi, complete with alien races. But at the same time, it's something very different, and I'm not yet sure whether I love or hate it. I've put off continuing reading to such a degree that I even made some progress with my original stuff (you could almost call it self-defence O_o), but the idea of putting it away for good doesn't seem possible, either.
Detailed review definitely forthcoming when I'm done. |
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| Urgh. |
[Sep. 2nd, 2009|05:30 pm] |
Since I can't muster the motivation to start on my uni stuff, anyway, I thought I could at least spend today writing, but it's 5:30 pm now, and I haven't written a single line. The internet truly is the world's greatest time wasting device. *sigh* Now I'm angry at myself and it gives me a headache.
I also wanted to start a new foreign language next semester, but uni doesn't offer Swedish, which I originally wanted. *sadface* I applied for a place in Beginner's Arabic instead, but since I already had a lot of trouble with Russian, I don't think it'll work out too well. I suspect I only learn languages easily when they're close to my own on the family tree. And I would have stood a much better chance to actually use Swedish (as opposed to learning it too feed my personal curiosity), since Scandinavia is the perfect vacation spot for me, whereas the Arabian-speaking world is far too warm. |
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| Random Writing Question |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|09:35 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | writing | ] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Uriah Heep | ] |
Do you save first/second/third drafts and/or beta'd versions of a story seperately, or do you delete everything but the current/final version? |
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| Gah. |
[Aug. 11th, 2009|02:38 pm] |
Does researching their characters' mental disorders give anyone else the vague desire to seek out a therapist for themselves? Because, yeah. I'm having that problem again. Maybe I should not do research on anything but medieval architecture anymore.
Pretty much everything in that entry applies to me. And while self-diagnosis via Wikipedia is obviously not a good idea, it does make me wonder. At the same time, I don't particularly want to get therapy. I like being the way I am. (Most of the time, anyway.) It's like my internet addiction: I'm aware it's objectively a problem, but the negative consequences aren't bad enough that I have any need to do something about it. In fact, most of my "abnormal" character traits are what I consider strengths rather than weaknesses. |
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| I'm... sorry? |
[Aug. 6th, 2009|10:00 pm] |
You know that particular feeling of sacrilege people who find themselves writing porn for stuff they loved when they were kids describe? I know it first-hand now. Because I? Have written Nobody fic. Which is like other people's Disney porn. Except I never liked most Disney movies and so grew up on spaghetti westerns instead. Particularly the spoof ones.
Then I rewatched My Name is Nobody (the entirety of which you can find on Youtube*) with Spacelogic when she came to visit me recently. And then I wrote porn. The kind of cracked-out little ficlet you mainly write to get an especially virulent bunny out of your system and then never show to anyone. Only, I told Spacelogic about it, and she offered to beta. (Which she did. Thoroughly. With a hatchet. She's awesome.) So... why not take the last step then, and put it on the internet? Well, I will. I just thought it prudent to put up an apologetic note beforehand.
*You should watch it because:
- it's a parody that alternates between serious deconstruction and bewildering slapstick, directed by Sergio Leone (the guy who did the famous "Dollars" trilogy) and with music by Ennio Morricone, both of whom happily parody themselves along with the rest of the genre
- it's a movie about a fanboy and the aging gunslinger he has chosen to be his hero (whether he wants to or not), with all the subtext you would expect from that sort of set-up
- young Terence Hill (guh) |
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| Writing and (inappropriate) music |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|02:10 pm] |
You know how you associate certain music with certain fandoms? I have that very strongly. It helps a lot when you need to get yourself in the mood for writing something.
Sometimes it's a general association (a band and a fandom), sometimes a specialised one (a song and a character or pairing), but in one way or another, it's always there. Most times it even fits, as with Enya and LotR, general sixties music and Star Trek, or Metallica and my original fic. But sometimes a pretty weird combination comes from somewhere and just... sticks, against everything I try.
That's the case with Gotham and Vaya con Dios. Yes, you heard that correctly. Vaya con Dios. And Gotham. *facepalm* And the thing is, I don't even like the band (or their style of music in general) all that much. They have some good songs, yes, but several really horrible ones, too. Not to mention that songs about broken-hearted mafia-brides and stories about gay vigilantes tend to... uh... clash a tiny little bit. They aren't character-specific, or pairing-specific (luckily, because that would be brain-breaking though one day I'll totally write cheesy 1920s AU Birdboys-in-drag fic set to Nah Neh Nah, at which point you should probably shoot me for the greater good), but somehow this kind of music, where you imagine a smoky-voiced lady in a long dress singing depressing, half-jazzy-half-sea-shanty songs to her gangster-clientele in a shady, dark, run-down club by the docks, fits my film-noir image of Gotham very well. (Especially songs like Forever Blue, At the Parallel, Time Flies, Stay with Me, Just a Friend of Mine, Far Gone Now and my unbeaten personal fave in this context, Night Owls (Listen and tell me that's not Gotham!), but actually, most of their vast discography work. Bonus: Don't Cry for Louie The ultimate Matches Malone song. Tell me you don't see it, I dare you!)
Actually, I'm somewhat horrified and disturbed by this whole thing. Alright, more than somewhat. WTF, brain? This much cheesiness isn't like you! D-:>
Feel free to laugh -- or better yet, commiserate: Tell me your most inappropriate writing music! |
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| Yuletide!!! |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|09:01 am] |
Wheeeee! Look what I got! An Outlander story about John, Jamie and Claire, set right after the birth of Brianna's child in Drums of Autumn. It's lovely and bittersweet and makes me happy! *dances*
Now I feel extra bad for defaulting in the last minute. ":-( But my story is mostly done and I will post it as a new year's resolution! *vows* I'm a lot happier with having it done this way than posting a hurried first draft like last year, just because time was running out. |
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[Dec. 20th, 2008|06:56 pm] |
Good stuff:
- made progress with the room today, removed most of the wallpapers
Bad stuff:
- internet has been dying on me in itervals the rest of the day
- haven't even remotely finished Yuletide story
- found (once-?)wet, mouldy wall in one corner under the wallpaper *is allergic to mould* Just great. |
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| Notes to self |
[Dec. 19th, 2008|09:06 pm] |
- It's "stare" s-t-a-r-e. Though I think I'd like to see a "disapproving stair" at some point in my life.
- Do not use the word "cock-fight" as a passing reference in a story that also contains (unrelated to it, thankfully O_o) gay porn. It will only make people look for the rest of the doubtful metaphor and they'll be annoyed if there isn't any. Do not use it if you mean, you know, actual chickens fighting. Make a passing reference to card games or horse-races instead.
- The (German) noun for this may be "Parade", but the English verb is "parry." You wouldn't want to parade around when someone is running at you with sharp objects. Just saying.
- Get more sleep. Stuff like that needn't happen. |
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| Two days till Yuletide... |
[Dec. 18th, 2008|05:03 pm] |
I'm currently on version 3.0 of my story (which has nothing whatsoever to do with its predecessors anymore), while also trying to organise all the renovation/moving stuff. Luckily, today was my last day of uni for this year. *rejoices*
Would anyone be willing to beta, in case I make it before Saturday night, after all? (If I write tonight and tomorrow evening, I might just manage. I really do not want to repeat last year's trainwreck.) You probably don't know the fandom (I'm obviously not allowed to tell which it is in public *g*), but a language beta would be appreciated very much. |
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| Motivation, where are you? |
[Dec. 13th, 2008|07:31 pm] |
One week to the Yuletide deadline and I feel like I can actually manage. Story doesn't have any substance, but random stream-of-consciousness will totally do, right? Right? Damn. Well, I'm much more in time this year, unlike last where I managed to lend out the source material and get into hysterics over missing detail I couldn't look up. I have the books right here, most of them read twice or more, which helps. Now, heaven, throw me a plot, please?
My Christmas present to myself arrived yesterday: a shipment of glossy, large-format history books I got for cheap from eBay in one large, collective, and therefore relatively cheap package. Books! *snuggles them*
Today, grandpa and I fetched my "new" wardrobe (thanks for that, too, eBay, you do have your moments), which was fun.
Later tonight, I've been planning to go out dancing with C and A, but I don't actually feel very motivated. I'd rather curl up with a book and chocolate and then sleep for ten or twelve hours. (I guess that means my body's dealing with a cold or something. *hopes it won't break out*) On the other hand, I don't see enough of my assorted friends lately and I haven't been out dancing in over a month... (Tsk, tsk, SV. So not cool.) It's high time for some good music, and anyway, the fun usually comes once you're there.
So, another hour or two of coziness, then I'll put on some upbeat tunes and get dressed. ("Break the Line" by the Guano Apes, Nickelback's "Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting," and Pink's "You and Your Hand" usually serve me well for getting in the mood. *g*) |
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| Update on SV's Life. Aren't you just excited? |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|07:44 pm] |
( Misc. ) |
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| *bounce, bounce* |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|08:30 am] |
It seems my writing muses are back! *celebrates* Unfortunately they're not the ones I need (i.e. the ones for Yuletide), but I take what I can get!
And how sad is it that the thing about Christmas I look forward to most... No, scratch that. That the only thing about Christmas I'm looking forward to is the tons of sweet, sweet fic it will yield? (Okay, maybe the chocolate, too.) On that note: YAY, FIC!
Unrelated to that, I want to start renovating my new place now! I don't want to wait another month! *whines* It will have ink blue walls and red curtains... because primary colours never go out of fashion in SV's world! (Shut up. Black wall paint is too expensive and I couldn't find any black curtains.) |
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| Here's to the end of November! |
[Nov. 29th, 2008|08:06 pm] |
It seems I'll get the flat after all! I was at the guy's birthday last night and (as far as I can tell) got along with everyone there. Decent music, nice people, lots of dogs... my depressed mood didn't make it through the first bottle of beer. I couldn't stay all that long, sadly, having no car and the last train going before midnight, but that was probably all for the better, seeing as everyone was smoking lots of pot and I got a massive headache out of it that lasted me for all of today just from those few hours.
I've failed at NaNo, but that shouldn't surprise anyone anymore by now. I think I subconsciously gave up during the first week. *shrugs* I don't even feel much about it, except a little sad that the pre-November elation is dead. I will most assuredly continue Crow Days, though at a considerably slower speed. I have a fair idea of what I want to write, the outline is mostly done and waiting, and I've made enough of a start to keep going. The only thing I'm increasingly unhappy with is my prose. I doubt it would be any better if I wrote in German, though, so it's more of a general translating-mental-images-into-text problem than a language one. And it doesn't help that wee!Tarik has turned out to be even more of a spoilt brat than I had imagined. Yuck. (Not that she was ever intended to be a nice person, seeing she isn't one as an adult, either, but at least I can sympathise with her then.)
I should get started on Yuletide now, but I've had a sudden craving for Star Trek fic today (my comfort reading whenever I'm facing an existencial crisis like this whole "moving out and trying to find something to do with my life" thing going on at the moment) and promptly indulged in that. And now I have bunnies again. Because nothing incites me to write like utter badfic does. It makes me think I could actually do better (I probably can't, in most cases, but it's a comforting illusion), stay more in character, write prose less purple, dialogue less melodramatic... you get the gist. But whenever I have a moment like that, I stumble upon/someone happens to post some really good fic and the urge to write is gone again, because a) my writing would be embarrassing crap in comparison, b) I can't be bothered to write when I can just as well be reading and have better stories with far less effort. (Same principle applies with original stuff: after stacks of horrible fantasy novels, the urge to write WP as a deconstruction was born. Then I read George RR Martin and realised I'd never have a chance to be anything but horrible fantasy myself because he is just so much better in every regard.)
*hates self but gives up quickly because an emotion as strong as hatred takes too much energy* |
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| New snowy goodness! |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|08:22 am] |
Most of Saturday's was gone yesterday, but I got new snow overnight! Even more than before! *squee* If only I didn't have to go to uni... and to the dentist's. (Because the very same tooth from a month or so ago broke off again. I'm going to give that dentist guy hell, believe me!)
And, see, it's not my fault I can't win NaNo! The universe keeps doing everything in its power to distract me, including giving me more snow than we've had since the Snow Disaster a few years past and stupid medical problems. Also, Te-fic. Tons of it. It's fate. Not my fault. Nope. *g* |
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| General update |
[Nov. 19th, 2008|08:12 am] |
Almost at 7,000 words now... (And others complain because they're "only" in their 20,000s. *twitches*) Shut up, considering how little I've written over the last few years, this is quite okay.
I won't get anything done today, because it's Wednesday and Wednesdays are bad, uni-wise, this semester, but at least I haven't anything planned for most of this weekend. (After a nasty argument with K last Saturday, she'll have to do without me for a while.)
I also feel pretty braindead and want to sleep ten hours a night, which probably means I'm getting ill. Or maybe that I've stayed awake far too late over the last few days, reading and enjoying Te's latest kinky epic. Either of that. *g* |
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| Assignments are out! |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|08:36 pm] |
Dear Heavens, am I relieved! This year it actually seems doable, likely even fun! After last year's indifferent recipient, who only requested a fandom and a character but gave me no specifics whatsoever to work with, I'm a lot more optimistic!
The problem I've got instead now is performance anxiety, because my recipient is a brilliant and prolific writer and theoretically deserves a better santa than I can be. < /wallowing in self-pity >
I'm not sure whether to do a "Dear Santa" letter this year, since I included most relevant info in the request form this time (and think I'm pretty easy to please, anyway), but well... Maybe the person concerned could just leave me an anonymous comment whether or not they'd like a letter with more detail?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
NaNo is at about 4000 words. Good by my standards, but poor in comparison to everyone else and far behind the prescribed count. *hates self* |
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| Urgh |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|09:23 pm] |
3709 words. It just doesn't feel like progress.*
Next flat-viewing early tomorrow morning. Wish me luck?
* Though it's probably more than I've written in the entirety of the last half year. (Not counting the outline, which is epic by itself.) |
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pensive
worried
frustrated
discontent
twitchy 
weird
drained
busy
apathetic