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Tweak says, "I was reading that!"

Not your everyday Viking angel (shadowvalkyrie) wrote,
@ 2009-10-10 18:59:00

Current mood:	bemused
Entry tags:	do not want, life, lol

Things I don't need in my life -- Part 267
Arranging a dildo party.

A friend of mine just called me. Apparently her new part-time job is selling stuff at the equivalent of the long-since* out-of-fashion** tupperware parties. Only with dildos.

And she wants me to have one. At my place. (This would be half as bad if I wasn't living in a roomshare with paper-thin walls. And with perpetually-dazed hippie boys, who'd probably enjoy an invasion of giggling hipster/metaller/geek/yuppie (yes, I have an eclectic taste in friends) girls about as much as the other way around.)

See, while I can vaguely understand wanting to share your hobbies with like-minded people, even if you happen to be a boring housewife with no hobbies besides the latest kitchen supplies, I think I must draw the line at masturbatory practices. Seriously, I do not want to know what size/colour/shape dildos my friends prefer, and most importantly, I don't want them to know that about me. My friends are largely the people I share hobbies with (fantasy/RPGs, movies, music, horses), or who went to school with me and sort of stuck around out of habit. I'll happily discuss sex with most of them, no problem, it's, in fact, a major topic of conversation.*** But gritty details? NO, THANKS! TMI! DO NOT WANT! It's fine as long as it's hypothetical. For example, I can appreciate venting frustration about being single, sharing the sentiment that we'd all like to fuck Johnny Depp,**** or comfort someone about the fact that her boyfriend is a bore in bed, or debate about which BDSM practices we would be interested in trying, but I do honestly not want to know what anyone rams into their vagina (or elsewhere) on a nightly basis in lucid detail.***** It took me years of my adolescence to train myself out of a sexual interest in my friends. It was hard work. Don't undo it.

And I'm not the only problem. I think they'd feel the same. Knowing them, I have exactly three friends who would enjoy that sort of party. 1) the one who came up with the idea, 2) the absolute and utter pervert who is kind of embarrassing to take somewhere public because she'll never ever shut up about the TMI, even if it's horrid details, and 3) the friend I can talk about absolutely everything with without much shame on either side, even though we are never of the same opinion on anything at all, but who is very tolerant and, while prudish to the extreme herself, tends to view other people's deviance with a sort of endearing, almost scientific curiosity I can't help but find entertaining.

All in all, I'm just not comfortable oversharing with my friends. With the exception of aforementioned three, they are just not that kind of friends. (Which I think is part of the problem: the friend whose idea that was is not part of any of my other groups of friends. She doesn't know I relate to them differently than I do to her.) And anyway, oversharing is what I have the internet for. At least people here largely understand and share my particular brands of perversion.

~~~~~~~~~

* At least as far as I know... the last one in my family happened some time in the 1990s. I don't think anyone in my age group has had the horrid idea to have one yet.

** And good riddance!

*** At least it's that way with about half my circle of friends. The other half are hopeless prudes, which is why the idea of talking to them about sex in even the vaguest allusions is somewhat mortifying. In fact, I'd rather go see the dentist for an hour.

**** I'm not a sociologist, but I strongly suspect celebrity crushes are to a large degree about the female bonding that happens over them.

***** Also, again, I even less want them to know that about me. My friend's think I'm freaky enough as it is. There is absolutely no need to confirm this and/or make it worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

See, after that call, I imagined that dildo party actually happening, and was torn between bone-deep horror (Forget Chthulhu! There's the Eldritch Dildo to fear!) and hysteric giggling, but the writing of one LJ entry later, I can finally appreciate the absurd hilarity of it all. (Note for posterity: In the unlikely case anyone ever makes a movie about my life, I want to be played by a genderbent Rowan Atkinson.) Now I'm almost tempted to write a circular mail to my entire address list (yes, the boys too -- I encourage equal opportunity embarrassment squick suffering whenever possible) and invite them, if only to imagine their O_o and D-:> faces and get their sputtering replies. (It would have the added benefit that I could forward those replies to said friend to dissuade her from further attempts.) So, thanks, LJ. And Internet, I love you. For very special definitions of the word, you're keeping me sane.

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	spacelogic 2009-10-10 07:13 pm UTC (link)
	I read this post alternating between D-:< and ahahahaha as my embarrassment squick battled my "oh, humans" attitude. Also re: I'm not a sociologist, but I strongly suspect celebrity crushes are to a large degree about the female bonding that happens over them. That is an excellent hypothesis and makes me feel more normal just considering it possible. Hooray! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	shadowvalkyrie 2009-10-10 07:21 pm UTC (link)
	I read this post alternating between D-:< and ahahahaha as my embarrassment squick battled my "oh, humans" attitude. Then you know approximately what having that phone call felt like! See, I have absolutely no problem with dildos. The idea of a dildo party might be fun as well... But HELL, DUDE, not with my RL friends! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	spacelogic 2009-10-10 08:10 pm UTC (link)
	My sister thinks a condom party would be better. I -- I dunno. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shadowvalkyrie 2009-10-10 09:16 pm UTC (link)
	Why that? It's not like condoms are all that interesting. The simpler, the better! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	spacelogic 2009-10-10 09:19 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know; I'm not exactly an expert on either. "Condom party" sounds like an orgy where protection is required, to me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shadowvalkyrie 2009-10-11 07:49 am UTC (link)
	rofl I want one now! (Reply to this) (Parent)

shadowvalkyrie
2009-10-10 07:29 pm UTC (link)

As to the bonding: men do it too! Whether it's my female friends gushing over Johnny Depp, or the boys with Tomb Raider, you always get this group activity vibe. Which is amusing, seeing as if one of them actually had a boy/girlfriend that hot, there would be rivalry, not good cheer. And if you consider what happens if someone comes up with something radically different (like, say, me dropping a woman's name in my female friend's list of hot guys, or one of the boys telling the others Pamela Anderson isn't his type and he prefers chubbier women, when Pam comes up), namely a reaction of weirded-out-ness (depending in strength on how different from the 'usual' (read, normal, acceptable, unthreatening) the dissenter's taste is) it seems to be some sort of mutual reassurance thing. When you share a taste in celebrities, chances are, you have more in common. It's even stronger with music.

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spacelogic
2009-10-10 08:15 pm UTC (link)

I was always the one who came up with something radically different, when I tried that stuff with my friends -- used to be maddening, dealing with the straight and bi girls in Harry Potter fandom and trying to figure out what they were on about so I could play too. Didn't know I was gay yet, see, and between that and being bad with social cues -- yeah, it was interesting. I was never sure why it worked that way, though, so I'm adopting your hypothesis and taking it home.

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	shadowvalkyrie 2009-10-10 09:18 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, I occasionally have the same problem, but I'm lucky to have a good deal of mainstream taste mixed with my oddness, so there's still enough common ground to share with people. Pet and feed my theory well, you hear? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	spacelogic 2009-10-10 09:21 pm UTC (link)
	I finally worked out a solution using shipping, but I still got in trouble over not pairing characters up simply because the individual characters were hot, because, well. Yes ma'am! salutes (Reply to this) (Parent)

cmshaw
2009-10-10 11:26 pm UTC (link)

hee! my friends actually had a round of those when i lived in atlanta, and if the ones your friend is organizing are anything like those were, they're much more about the girls-giggling-together and the "novelty" items than about serious, hardcore sex toys -- which is good and bad, i suppose! good in that it's more on the level of sharing celebrity crushes than foreplay, but bad in that, y'know, you're not actually offered much quality merchandise. (although for the handful of things which are of interest, it's definitely to your benefit to be the party host since you get a nice discount!)

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shadowvalkyrie
2009-10-11 08:00 am UTC (link)

I agree that it could be fun... just not with my RL friends. My LJ/IJ/DW f-list? Hell, why not? We're all perverts anyway, and overshare our TMI all the time. But I'm far more reserved around most of my RL friends. (With one exception, they don't know about the fanfic thing, either. And if that isn't a major part of my sex life, I don't know what is. *g*) And the other way around as well. Most of us just aren't that close. Depending on the friends, we go out, play the German equivalent of D&D, or ride/muck stables out together, but we just aren't all that close. And having a party with the few people that sort of thing would remotely work with... well, small party! Not to mention that half my friends are straight males, who probably wouldn't be all that interested, which further limits the available number of people.

(And, heh, that discount is about the only tempting thing about it.)

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